so, what's been new this week?

I punched myself until I puked, 
I almost killed myself, 
I almost performed scarrification on my chest again, 
I fucking disscociated and had another episode,
and idk otherwise not much? 

I got back into minecraft 
and been grinding cuz I'm so close to 
finishing this big project
and that shit was my dream when I was younger 
so I wanna fulfill that, 
plus it's been fun interacting with people, 
like I met this girl on this random server 
and while we dont talk much,
we kinda just run around and do dumb shit 
and she sometimes hugs me cuz shes got a hugging emote 
and its really sweet and it makes my brain all fuzzy 
and I might die if someone does it to me too much. 
I guess that's because nobody has ever shown me affection before?
I've never been shown love like this,
so to have someone show me affection
without any strings attached
for the first time in my life, really
feels so incredibly addictive
yet so incredibly scary?
I'm scared of it ending, 
because I know once it ends, 
I'll go back to being unloved
and that's terrifying.

Otherwise? 
not much I dont think, 
I've been slowly working on fixing
my surface level insecurities 
and that's been pretty fun,
but I doubt that I won't go back into my bad thoughts, 
I've also really reduced the amount 
that I've been stressing myself. 
Sorry, though, I don't have the guts to send this message
so, instead I'll say:
nothing much, wbu?