so, what's been new this week?

I punched myself until I puked, 
I almost killed myself, 
I almost performed scarrification on my chest again, 
I fucking disscociated and developed SPD or smth 
and idk otherwise not much? 

I got back into minecraft 
and been grinding cuz I'm so close to getting lvl 100 on a server 
and that shit was my dream when I was younger 
so I wanna fulfill that, 
plus it's been fun interacting with people, 
like I met this girl on this random server 
and while we dont talk much,
we kinda just run around and do dumb shit 
and she sometimes hugs me cuz shes got a hugging emote 
and its really sweet and it makes my brain all fuzzy 
and I might die if someone does it to me too much ngl. 
I guess that's because nobody has ever shown me affection before?
I've always been either ignored or manipulated,
so to have someone show me affection without any strings attached
for the first time in my life, really
feels so incredibly addictive
yet so incredibly scary?
I'm scared of it ending, subconciously 
because I know once it ends, I'll go back to being unloved
and that's terrifying

Otherwise? 
not much I dont think, 
I've been slowly working on fixing my surface level insecurities 
and that's been pretty fun. 
My insecurity about how I look is slowly going away 
but I doubt that I won't go back into my bad thoughts, 
I've also really reduced the amount I've been stressing myself about my uni apps and shit like that. 
I've also stopped judging myself for being so needy in relationships, 
the mere fact that I am aware of it and tring to work against it is enough and that's okay. 
Sorry, though, I don't have the guts to send this message
so, instead I'll say:
nothing much, wbu?