I still hate my life, just so you know

I hate how fucking desperate I am for love
I hate how I can’t live without the fucking validation of another
I hate how ugly I am
I hate how my dreams are collapsing around me; 
that my chances of getting into a good uni are getting smaller and smaller each fucking day passing
I hate how I can’t get anything done
I hate how fucking alone I feel
I hate that I still miss her
I hate that I don’t and won’t have anyone that’ll love me
I hate myself most of all
I hate how ugly I am on the inside
I hate how I use others for my own sake
I hate how fucking twisted I am
I hate how I’m selfish
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I FUCKING HATE MYSELF SO FUCKING MUCH
I’m back to desiring nonexistance
I guess that’s just the default
I wanna go to therapy but I also just wanna stay like this forever
cuz it makes the moments when I feel good about myself feel so fucking good
but what the fuck?
that’s like wearing tight shoes 
just to fucking feel the relief of taking them off?
what masochist does that?
I want to die
I really just want to die