fuck you.

Fuck you, I am traumatised because of you. 
I’m not even joking. 
Yesterday, you tried to talk to me 
and it instantly caused me to collapse
and it culminated in me 
cutting myself and 
sitting on the floor 
fucking punching myself and fucking sobbing, 
just because you tried to talk to me. 

I fucking hate you more than anything 
and I wish we would have never met, 
I don’t care about the what ifs anymore.
You fucking ruined me, 
you ruined my perception of love, 
you ruined my perception of people, 
you made it hard for me to open up, 
you fucking gave me fucking uncurable trauma 
and I’m so fucking embarrassed about it. 

I’m so embarrassed that I got all these problems
from this girl I held hands with once. 
I’m so fucking pathetic, 
I hate myself just as much as I hate you. 
I really do.

But if I hate you, why am I so jealous of him?