a fitting tomb

I've thought death through
it seems to be the one
the one and only answer
to all my failures and, so,
I thought I'd muster up the courage
the courage to feed the orchids
see them flourish
use my body so that they can themselves nourish

but, as I ventured out in the deep sea once again,
there came along a feeling of dread;
I couldn't let my brother cry
or my mother see my body decried
so as the water slowly filled
my sorry body willed itself
back to my room, 
where I sat alone,
back to living in my tomb

I came to realise that suicide
is so mercilessly selfish
that I should not allow myself to perish
as I'd rather continue living in torment
as I have all these waking moments,
than to allow those I love
to cry out that I have left
to the world above.