crawling, chained, through each passing day

It's 3am and I can't fucking sleep
My sins haunt me and leave me awake
I keep on fucking thinking of moments with her
How awful I felt and how embarassing it all was
I fucking hate myself
I despise myself
I think the reason I feel no hate towards others
is because I hate myself so with such a burning passion
it leaves no room for hatred of others
I truly truly truly despise myself
I hate every fucking part of myself
There's nothing good to me
All of my good actions come from a place
of ego and megalomania
I am the worst fucking person on this planet
I am the very worst being
I have never met someone as truly selfish
as inherently fucking self-centred as me
I am the epitome of ego
I am the epitome of selfishness
I am the epitome of lust, of greed, of glutton
I am not deserving of the breaths I breathe
I am not deserving of any love I was ever given
I am not deserving of the blessing that life is
I deserve death
However, I crave it so intently
So to give myself the sweet release that it delivers
Would be a gift too generous
So to truly punish myself for all the evil in my heart
I will continue this torture forevermore